Friday, September 30, 2005
:( i breakdown yesterday again....haiz!i knw i m useless .... little bit onli ,cannot tahan then alwaz cry.... i have been wanting to b strong ..really...but i juz cant tk it anymore..i really dun njoy wrkin in ward 47 .. seriously...i felt so tense up everyday , is so hard to feel any frenliness tere, i dun feel myself when i m wrkin...as in i used to b very talkative n have lotsa laughter ... but in ward 47 i m totally a isolated person.i dun even feel like tokin 2 any1 , haiz..... i really miz all my frenz!
yesterday when i was in the bus on the way home...i felt so shack tat i almost burst out cryin ... then i msg denice..at least she lets me feel tat i still have a fren .... i rushed to buy food 4 my grandpa , went hm n rush dwn to meet her.phew! seeing her let my heart settle dwn a bit... it has been so long since i really tok 2 a fren (i mean a true fren wu i could trust n b myself) i feel like tellin her how i feel in ward , feel like huggin her n cry .. but too bad lah...i din ... dunno y c her face, cannot cry out...mayb shy.hahahaha!i have got soo much to tell her..can actually feel my heart screaming 4 help.
anyway went to her huse .. at least spend more time with her...din really share my sorrows..but her presence is comfortin enugh .... n of crse after i reach hm .. i called dear n really cry my heart out... he asked me to b strong... i have alwaz tryin to b ... its so tiring ...
i knew no1 can help me in this ...i can onli depend on myself n i have to pull tru ...n i shld tk things slowly , but in the ward environment it doesnt allows me to tk tins slowly ... i have to push myself so hard everyday to wrk n finish my task ... tkin care of 18 pts really suck my blood.i know complain oso no use... i m tired so complaining the same tin now n then too, but i juz need sumwhere to fa sae , need sum1 to tok 2 ... if not i will go crazy ..
i miz my old self .. the cheerful n positive me ...
10:19 AM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
tian ar..... i m very drain out...really!juz recover from my sickness...actually not totally recover yet lah...now still having headache ..i dunno when this headache ,flu n cough will get away frm me...its so tiring tryin to tahan tru my wrk ..
yesterday still kana giddy n havin headache ... but sister juz say wana train me n huiting n we have to tk cr of 18 pts...:(
i tink yesterday i shout at alot pple...haha!i was ssooo stress up...coz tere r 7 admissions yesterday n 1 idiotic parent keep wanting to go hm n request 4 discharge..keep buggin me n my assistant nurse tat she wana go hm .then end up i have to tahan not onli the parent's complain but my collegue's complain too.Most of the admission are going for operation ... all of the doctors keep hugin the case notes...n how am i suppose to finish writing my report like tat?
pple frm everywhere keep cumin to me askin me where is the case notes when the other doctor is holdin it ...students keep cumin to me tellin me patient is still having fever when i have oredi give paracetamol half an hr ago...( n they expect the panadol to have immediate effect izzit?)my assistant nurse keep coming to me complaining about irritating parents ( she expect me to shout at the parents izzit?) the medical teams keep takin away my casenotes to do their rounds with consultants over n over again...The clerk keep shoutin frm counter to me that there r new admissions cumin in n she continue shakin her leg tere without helpin me do any paper wrk...(bitch) how do i not have headache like tat???
i m almost going crazy in the ward...i have onli a pair of ears..a pair of hands n 1 brain....can they not understand this?my fren keep askin me if i need any help...yes!i do need alot of help..but the tin is i m kana lost liao..i dun even knw wat can she help me do..she cant help me write case notes wat . but she help me serve medi ...Thanx ting!:( i gonna fight another battle later again..im really soooooo scared ...if everyday like tat.... i dunno i can tahan until when..
the onli tin tat i will feel beta after wrk..is hearin his voice....
9:43 AM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
:( sick...i felt weak now...really weak...my stupid body temp like playin with me....keep going up n dwn ...yesterday while wrkin...took 1 temp..oh god ~its 39 degrees....tian ar!i was shocked...my colleagues are shock too...they said i look flush n keep askin me if i m ok...gave me 1 panadol n ask me to rest in staff room..so sweet of her!however i din rest in peace lah..coz i knw the doctors will b doing thier rounds soon...so i got to go out n jagar mah!Doctors without nurses is like having a body without hands ..wahahahaha!
anyway really thank God tat i managed to pull tru my shift..i was sweatin like siao after takin tat panadol lah....i was so worried i will faint.keke!
then 2day decided to tk MC...lucky i did... coz now i'm actually still having fever ... wat if i spread to my babies rite?
2moro me going IMh..lucky is not wrk...wont b tat hactic..thank God again....then sat i m off sumore..keke!3 daz relax...
anyway SJ is on leave for 3 weeks...wwoohhoooo...every1 is so happy...this few daz then ward is soooo peacefull....really...i really dun mind going to wrk like tat!
12:24 PM
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
:( sick......i m sick....tian ar!not feeling well man..i really pray later i can tahan tru my wrking hrs...having cough n sore throat .. n headache too...how 2 concentrate on wrk like tat...
i hate wrk...i seriously hate wrkin...
i miz den , mei, n dear..
10:14 AM
Sunday, September 18, 2005
haiz!sianz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!VERY VERY VERY sianz! tere goes my 2 weeks of sweet memories...so fast...too fast!i will bk to miserable daz again..everyday is juz waiting n waiting 4 weekends ...spending with him..hardly even 10 hrs .N now wrse ... he may have more field camps or even go overseas! sickening!NS SUX!as usual i can onli wait 4 calls at 10pm again...
btw this few daz ALOT things happen lah..i seem so suay!1st kana medication error...its really a BIG issue...i serve wrong medi to wrong pt...OH GOD!n becoz of me ... my doctors have to help me explain n apologize to the pt's parents , my sister have to write a report 4 me , my colleagues kana scolding too, i got to kana question by 3 sisters (being questioned like a criminal) , put up a report ...n wrse of all...i was really worried the pt's condition...lucky nthin happen to her!THANK GOD!
c! a medi error can cause so much harm to pple! i was really really really ...erm...oso dunno how to describe my feelings at that moment...worried abt pt..felt bad ...felt guilty,fear,scared,miserable n ... now becum phobia liao!n nxt my mum is angry of me coz i was home late..n claimed tat since i knw B ..i hardly tok 2 her..wah lau!i am 100% sure ..i din do tat...coz when i m with him..he is oredi in army ..n most of the time ,i m at hm loh!she juz said it coz she's unhappy n neva think twice b4 she tok.n tat hurts me alot!
however...though i felt really suay...so stress...at least he is with me these few daz...bad things do happen..but when i knw after wrk ..i m gonna meet him..tat is a great motivator 4 me to hold off my tears until i finish my wrk, n when i c him...my heart will juz settle dwn.is juz like.. he is my ding xin pills.haha!
thanx dear!u dun have to do much u knw...by stayin beside me ... is oredi gd enugh! haiz!2moro will b bk 2 last time oredi...:( i dun like to c him bk with injuries ... being so shack n slp at uneven grounds ... sweat like hell ....i dun like the feeling of mising sum1 so badly!
11:11 PM
Friday, September 09, 2005
tian ar tian ar!!!i M soooooooooooo xin fu,happy,excited,touched....n many many more of mixed feelings lah!but i m SURE is positive 1!keke
1st of all...i m happy 4 my uncle tat he got married!early in the morning went to ROM but TOO BAD :( i miz the ceremony....haiz!coz we were late..however we did took sum photos togather n i really c how loving they r...which was sooo sweet!BUT tat mks me think twice if i wana get married in future..coz is sooo scary lah..is a life thinggyy...wat i meant is..juz sign a document n u got to stick with tat guy..forever..gambling with ur life loh!that 2 wrds "i DO" needs alot of commitment!
then after tkin photos...we went to erm..raffles ...(4get wats that hotel call)anyway we went tere to have buffet...wwooo....its delicious!!haha!but din really eat much lah..coz not hungry mah..
n the best tin is i had a GREAT time with my cousins..i miz them so much..n got to hear all the rubbish cumin out frm my younger cousins (yongquan) mouth again..which mk me laugh non stop..
after makaning ..they came over to my huse!we gambled!keke....feel like new year time..n kian tat join us too!haha!i miz him too..so long neva chat le...still the same old him!in the past i m soo scare of him but now like old fren liao.hah!then...my frenz start flowing in .... they really brightens up my bday ...every single 1 of them...esp my sec sch fren!it has been ages since i last meet them man!
the most pai seh part is after cuttin cake...tian ar!aiyo.....bernard is being force to K me...OH GOD>...i m ssoooo pai seh..n he's blushin too....but he still manage to give a quick muack lah!haha!being push by my dad 1!idiotic daddy i have!
i hope every1 njoyed themselves today...my rover frenz are here...my sec sch frenz...my poly frenz...my cousins....n my family...n my dear!aaahhh!!!!every1 impt in my life attended!I M SERIOUSLY touched!!!i will surely remember this day!thanx 2 my dad mum n sis!n of crse to all!oh yah!!i my 2nd uncle msg me too...which mk me feel like cryin...i luv u all soooo much man!!!muackxx! thank God 4 who i have in my life...i m so blessed!!!
1:29 AM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
oohhh hohohohoho.....my com finally can b use liao...all thanx to my sis....hopefully this can last lah!anyway 2day me off...kekekeke...going to tekong again!!sumwhere i hate..but now with diff feelings liao wow!my dear POP le..keke!we went tru the idiotic 2 mths!phew!
2day is 6th liao..then 7th...then 8TH!!!!!!!!wahahahahaha!deb have juz msg me yesterday sayin tat onn onn n nadia n her will b cumin..opppsss....pretty unexpected!but was really g;ad!haha!class gathering wor!really really lookin 4ward 4 tat day .....goto rush liao...go n c alot alot ah bing ge...haha *drool*wahahaha
11:03 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
:( its almost the end of my off day again...sick!juz now den msg me ... she said that she's sick of her life...n i totally understand how she feels loh...coz i am sick of my life too....other than wrk...is still wrk..
i dunno y...but nowadaz i feel tat i have phobia going to wrk...b4 wrk..i can actually feel tat my heart beating fast n i will start thinkin wat i must do...wat i must not do.like keep remindin myself.."i must try my best to smile ..(if not will offend customer) i must remember serve my medi on time...i must not b ganchiong (when i am oredi gan chiong)i must control my temper...etc etc..."i knw tat i shldnt get myself so tense up ..but i juz cant help it ...
once i step into the ward....my mood will auto change 1...in the brain onli got 1 wrd (stress) but if i c sister J ..it will becum (extra stress)
In the ward ....u not onli have to please patients..but u have to please theirs parents n relatives too..n sad to say ..ur own colleagues too.!i m serious!1 of my colleague is a very striaght 4ward person...n becoz of this sum of the staff dun like her..n she's going tru hell in the ward now.everytime kana scoldin..even kana back stab...i really pity her at times.how 2 not b stress in this kana wrkin environment???The feelin is like..wrkin on a ground of atomic bombs...u neva know when will it explode.sumore now got new doctors (house officer)...they r damn blur lah...haiz!
nthin can motivate me 2 wrk anymore!NTHIN...kana hate my life now...
10:52 PM
Thursday, September 01, 2005
aargghh!!!i restart my com 4 times b4 i can start bloggin....disappointed!
2day is finally thursday liao...tain ar!2moro off day..yeahh!!!!have to stay at hm n pack my tins liao..n settle wateva i have to do...n get ready for 8th!keke...anyway ...dear yesterday told me mayb he cant mk it on the 8th ..even if can ..he will reach ard evening..haiz!so bo bian..he said he will celebrate 4 me on the 7th instead....not surprising at all....NS alwaz give pple disappointment...
past 3 daz have been sooo busy in the ward....terrible...n i m really shag lah..mayb tats y i oso too tired to think abt anytin ...n too tired to complain liao...so everytin oso kan kai dian liao.so hey dear!nvm ok...will b waiting 4 u to reach ...:)
10:15 AM
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Den Chua, Mei Cai 
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Darling.. |
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