Tuesday, June 28, 2005

hmm.....aarrgghh!!!hao xin ku ar!got alot alot alot to share!!!but i think its safer n beta to keep it to myself!juz wana say i have a GREAT n SHAG day 2day!it has been a long time since i last get SO tired n felt useless...haha!
tian ar!shld neva 4get this day........

11:32 PM

Sunday, June 26, 2005

TIAN AR!!!!!uuurrrgghhhh...aaahhh.....= ( wo de ma.... =...( wo bu xiang huo le....
early in the morning got a bad news frm my fren...is the wrse thing i wana accept in my life!
Gonna c nasty n fake pple everyday...c tat person's bloody ... arrogant ... scary...face..
Need to study all over again....n try my best to memorize all new stuff again.....
Got to face wif So many responsibilty n machines n medication everyday
Got to c so many sad n helpless child...hurts me...may mk me depress too...
Heart beating fast ...hands shivering ... mind blank..having cold sweat., when i c tat idiotic face..but still have to act calm n HOPEFULLY b able to ans all Qs she pop out with ... n perform well in my wrk....
OH GOD!how can i do tat without u ?
I dunno y ..izzit my character is changing to b more negative each day..or its juz a process of growin tat i have to go tru all these freakin things?
i juz dunno y nowadaz guys perserverance so gd...haiz!i dun tink i deserve any guy to treat me gd man...
i have been rather MEAN...but still dun wrk!now even soft hearted oso becum bad pt..i really dunno wat they wan me to do then they will give up!
i'm going crazy soon....VERY soon...

1:18 AM

Friday, June 24, 2005

:) hehe...i have had enugh slp 2day...wah!so shiok....it has been daz since i last aslept at 1 plus n wake up at 10 plus...which is ....at least 9 hrs of slp!THANK GOD!think yesterday was juz a simple n peaceful day 4 me...tats y nthin much 2 think abt .... have juz fall asleep quickly.... or mayb my brain has FINALLY got sick of thinkin abt useless things!haha!
i juz hate it when a sudden Qs pop out of nowhere n u have 2 mk a decision ... n is a decision tat will affect ur life...OH MAN! is scary! How i wish God will b beside me juz leadin me ...like"juz say yes "haha!i dun have to think much like tat....i will juz do wateva he says!keke....i m lazy in mkin decisions...
anyway yesterday went to watch "initial D", was not interested at 1st....but 1 of my fren wanted to watch it ...so juz watch loh...NOT BAD! Jay is sssooooo cute in tat show!haha!n dun think is a very serious kana show k , its a funny show!haha!those pple wu likes speeding...shld watch it....
Nxt show i'll b catchin "war of the world" hehe.....my fren wana catch it too...dunno she wan me go wif her a not!....:) mayb shall wait til the $3 have the show then i go catch it ..hahahah!oh budget nowadaz...

12:13 PM

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

xia si wo, xia si wo!juz nw had a very scary dream!its really abit ridiculous.....but now to think of it...it is really funny!haha!think i watch too much TV n think too much!din knw my brain can b SO creative!haha!
Though is scary lah.....but i hope 2 stay in it coz i wana knw the endin ..BUT too bad lah!tat idiotic alarm ring again!
i was too lazy to struggle up .. n my sis has oredi sit up..so i juz ask her hit the clock 4 me...but u knw wat?she told me "ta bu yao ting wo de zhen xin hua"???huh?in english it means( He/She dun wana listen to my true wrds)huh???i m a bit stun by wat she say...coz wat has the clock got to do with her "true wrds"?the clock wan 2 knw 4 wat rite?
then i reply with a "huh"?then she angrily repeat tat sentence again....after tat i scolded her "Siao !muz b dreaming"then she sadly reply "ta zhen de bu yao ting wo de zhen xin hua mah...."(He/She really dun wana listen to my true wrds mah...)think she has a nitemare as well....
i wonder if any1 hear me tok at nite b4...hopefully i din say anytin provate out....ooppsss...!haha!
aiya..sian !later going to wrk again..stayin in tat puny shop is a torture!i rather have nitemares then ...at least i am occupied...
onli left with ... 11 daz to njoy...life is so short......those pple still studyin ..do njoy ur life in sch k!!!!

10:23 AM

keke....me went to ......shopping 2day!with ..erm......not much $.haha!sad huh!mostly doing window shopping nia!but managed to get myself a $10 top..keke!not bad not bad!
the bus tin is 2day i have my day with my 2 BEST jie mei!no need to ask ... of crse is mei n den!we have soo much fun..., oei!.den n mei..rite?BUt we do stupid things 2gather!We took a bus round n round woodland..haha!coz we r not sure where to get dwn to reach the checkpoint!it took us whole morning juz 2 travel (-_-)''
walk ard tat shopping center ... can spend whole day tere...coz we lookin 4 nice n cheap stuff..haha!i knw we cheapskate..but it is challenging k!u think easy ar?
have our lunch + breakfast at ...Vivo...weird name rite?go find out urself where this shop is...they have cheap pizza,bake rice..n pasta!BUT the pasta sux!taste like...sum spagetti tats not properly cook..juz soak with OIL!
the bake rice..is Okkkk..... lah!not beta than swesens...heard frm mei n den tat the pizza is gd!so pple can go n try ya!
we watch "Ghost Train " too!haha!tru out the show..my heart keep beatin fast..non stop n almost breathless..coz i keep hiding under my bag ...n plus got 1 radio beside me (mei) keep shoutin .."oh no!faster!aahhhhh!!!!bu yao!tian ar!"mk my heart beat more abnormal.....its kana scary ..the sound effect was gd...u wun expect wat can expect nxt.i was so engross in the scary part..tat i cant catch the story line.haha!sad huh!
but it doesnt matter lah..coz it onli cost me $3 to watch tat movie..wwooo!
really tired 2day!n havin muscleache too...almost whole body..feel kana weak!
k lah...me gonna ...do other stuff liao.!tk gd cr gers!muack!

12:33 AM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

1 wrd!TIRED ..... my eyes is like struggling to open now...but when i lay on bed..though my eyes close..but my heart n brain still wrkin very well...i am thinkin abt ...thinkin abt...thinkin abt......i oso dunno wat thing ..tats the irritating part..alot of tins jumble up 1.haiz!
anyway .. i guess i will have sun burn 2moro ..haha!n muscleaches...mayb!2day me went to ecp ... blade until very very very far....tian ar!tryin 2 find a drink was a hard 1...aiyo...ecp shld improve!haha!however it was fun lah!have neva wore the blade 4 such a long period of time...n have neva blade to tat wulu place...dunno where lai de..din actually realize ecp is soooooooo big!
2day i drank soo much water...until i find myself abnormal...hehe.
hopefully ...i really pray...2day is the end of my war!seriously...have i finish off the war with peace???GOD?ans leh!haiz!may peace b with me...

12:52 AM

Monday, June 20, 2005

bad!i cant slp AGAIN!y like tat????
juz have plenty of thots keep cumin to my brain.....i dun wan it to cum 1..but it juz cums....ssoo irritating.i think i juz hurt sum1 juz now!feel so damn bad now!soorrryyy, sorry , sorry sorry ,sorry...i know how many times i say sorry oso no use .Sorry....other than this i realli dunno wat 2 do liao.
i hate this...y do i alwaz have to hurt pple.....tian ar!dun alwaz put me in this kana position....i guess its punishment frm God!aarggh!am i gonna lose another fren like tat?zhen di heng dui bu qi!hai ya!HOW?
What The Hell is going in my life...Wat am I doing man!Y things becum like tat?How i wish to ask them keep a distance frm me...prevent me frm hurtin them ...but how?it sux...it really sux!

1:22 AM

Sunday, June 19, 2005

*yawn*juz wake up...hao lei ar!haha!but shiok lah...for the past few daz neva really slept well...2day finally can get to slp for 7 hrs.yeah!dunno y have difficulties falling into slp nowadaz.though i was pretty tired....its terrible!
anyway yesterday was a really really tiring day 4 me ...coz going to places were...have to drag my feet tere 1.haha!1 of it is church lah.....coz i KNEW i will feel weird tere ..haiz!but however .. i sumhow njoy..at certain moments...like praise n worship...i still like that part most ..same as the past.when pastor jeff prech..i SWEAR i did try my best to keep my bloody eyes open...n concentrate...but too bad lah..though my eyes open..but half of my heart in lala land liao.haha!cant really absorb wat he says...i tired lah...haven been slping well ...haiz!
have been tryin 2 control my tears...durin alter call....cannot tahan again...keep inside the heart bad 4 health..so i juz let it out!tat idiotic guilty feeling is so strong again..........wats done cannot b undone...can any1 teach me how to get rid of tat feeling?its like a shadow to me....sumtimes zhen de hao xin ku.xiang gen heng duo ren shou dui bu qi..but i knw now say oso no use liao....so wat can i do?sumore sum1 pass me tissue....aiyo...felt more bad...tian ar!haiz!save me!
anyway manage to cool dwn abit n went to jeslyn bday with smiles...hai hao..not really fake 1.haha!ok..let me mention wu's tere.huimei,pris,shuxin,sheila,thipa n bf,nadia,deborah,onn onn,joanna....did i miz any1 out?sorry if i did.but really have fun chatting with shuxin n sheila yesterday...we seldom get the chance to tok tat much knw!n it pratice n test my memory tokin 2 them too.coz we reflect abt all my pri sch daz...then..slowly link to sec sch daz..tats the benefit of being in same sch n same class all the while man!its so blessed!really!we chat abt how childish n innocent we were when we r in pri sch..n OF CRSE we tok abt a few funny pple in pri sch...juz cant stop laughin man.!how we bully them n stuffs..keke!aahh......days pass fast!haiz!
got tok 2 the rest too...juz update each other abt our lifes...hehe...every1 looks the same..neva really change...sum going to further studies ... sum still bumming ard....sum start wrk liaoz...
i wonder wat we will b like in ... 5 yrs time...wrk can really shape sum1 knw..scary!i really start mizing 5 joaners liao...all the laughter!
ohh...anyway sumtin shockin happen...2 daz ago.....mayb another twist in my life...hmm..haha
ok lah,stop here ya.....hao ai ni men ar!

11:50 AM

Friday, June 17, 2005

i m shack!really shack!!!!i feel like cryin at times ...really...........nvm...its not nice to share here.....juzz.....sumtimes pple got to learn how to b more positive knw..really...its not train within 1 or 2 daz..But sumtimes in circumstances u ought to learn.If not u will live in misery everyday knw!imagine ...u everyday give a sulky face n keeps tokin abt ur problem n stuffs....wu will wana b ur fren?u will bring thier mood dwn onli...last time i have a few frenz...they r like every moment oso under depression 1..at 1st i try 2 counsell n tok 2 them.....it still dun wrk...THen...i try to brighten them up...but still dun wrk....in the end i gave up...coz i will b influence by them n becum depressed too.
i juz thinkin..if they dun wana help themselves then wu the hell can help them man!i onli can say "juz remember ..no matter how BIG the problem is...1 day it will still HAVE TO cum to an end..so tk tins lightly "i wana help...but sumtimes help frm sum1 is VERY limited loh.....haiz!y we have 2 b call "fan ren"?
anyway 2day me went to ecp ..... i blade alone....tat was SHIOK!hehe!really k!not tryin to an wei myself. I did njoy it!Juz go at ur own speed own time...no need 2 worry ur fren can manage a not..got fall anot...can catch up with u anot....all these lah.haha!but of crse when u r with ur frenz..tat will b different kind of enjoyment le...hehe!coz i got VERY limited frenz wu knw how to blade......sad!
then after tat went to meet den!haha!makan at suntec ..then go hm le.....keke!2day is juz hhmmmm...a tired n fruitful day.......my heart juz dunno y beat damn fast juz now.........keke...opppsss....sumtin happen.....

12:16 AM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

guess wat!2day me walk frm orchard to ... bugis!haha!seems like i have been exploring s'pore more n more.Being with den can really save $ man!i juz love walkin ard like tat...
1) no need spend $,
2) can explore new places
3) got more time chit chat n its not noisy
4) exercise (so i can digest beta)
5) can get really tired when u reach hm n can juz knock out...haha!
Gd ar!got so much benefits!nxt time we can go marathon liao..keke!the feeling of being with a ger n a guy is SO much diff man!n i njoy being with gers more!haha!can tok dong nan xi bei man!moi jie mei!haha!really look 4ward 4 nxt week man!coz me n den n mei gonna go sumwhere shop shop..haha!shiok!!!
my this week is so pack n full of events....nice planning of mine..but i think mum will surely not happy.....havent been at hm.haha!
but dun care lah...last holiday liao.......hey gers!i love all of u ...muackxxx!!!

12:43 AM

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

argh!sian!later got to go wrk again....wo de mah.....sit dwn tere ,do nthin again....tryin to excite myself with the books i m readin ...keep tellin myself like"oh!interestin...wat izzit going to happen nxt?ok,juz keep readin"but actually i m juz lying to myself....i m not TAT interested loh.juz to keep myself occupied...:( how i wish tere is sum1 to tok 2 .... alwaz like tat will ki siao 1 knw...
yesterday i close the shop at 8am....ooppsss ..kana early...but i was too sian lah,n denice is tere with me ...so doesnt wana spoil her nite by stayin in tat shop with me.after tat we went to have a bite...then we walk frm orchard to TBP.haha!our lao jia!it was great man....havent have such a great tok with her ....n i alwaz like exploring new places...even though i got no sense of direction lah..haha!but i felt safe with her...coz she's gd at tat....
2day she cumin to lk 4 me again!YEAH!!!!which means i onli have to tahan until ... 6 plus then i got sum1 to crap with liao....DENICE...u r my angel!keke

10:10 AM

Friday, June 10, 2005

my way歌手:张敬轩专辑:my way
~my way~张劲轩
一直在酝酿
一直在盼望
爸爸和妈妈唯一的理想
二月第一天一九八一年我第一次对他们眨了眨眼
等待快点过去多少个明天希望这个宝贝快快长大一点一点
身体要健康所有的事情都如所愿 baby长大以后就是小轩
i will find my way , i want a different way
i'll change the wind and rain , there be a brand new day
小时候受伤有人心痛失落有人安慰现在遇到困难自己就要学会面对
i will find my way , i want a different way
nothing will stop me now ,no matter what they say
困难要用我的坚强和努力勇敢面对现在用心去追感觉就对
i'll find my way , i will find my way , i find my way
一直就这样找我的方向不理会别人奇怪的眼光
直到有一天我忽然发现梦想已经在实现
等待快点过去多少个明天看着自己已经慢慢长大一点一点
我的生活应该让我自己学会掌握想信自己不怕风雨再多

11:04 PM

*yawn*juz bk frm wrk...xianz!i tink this job really encourages me 2 read alot!i going to finish the 3rd bk liaoz!!!tian ar!if zhe yang xia qu..i will becum a bookworm liaoz.....i really cannot imagine i really manage to read books man!sumore is thick thick 1 k!dun pray pray!...
but now i realize actually tere's alot of tins to learn frm books knw!the 1st bk i read was abt ... afterlife....like wat kana place n things will happen after we r dead...its a ..interestin bk lah..i tink alot of pple will have lots of question marks when it cums to afterlife thinngy ba...
the 2nd book is oso abt afterlife coincidently...haha!but this is more interestin!it brings abit more abt how a person's life is change ...n how u shld treasure ur time n pple ard u !
this 3rd bk....actually half of it ,i dun understand wat i am readin..coz the english too chim..but i juz force myself to read ...coz i rent it at $4 ,haha!n i waan knw the ending too.its sumtin abt "will u eva 4 in love with sum1 u neva c b4?"i m curious of wat it happens ..haha!
omg!wrk oso read bks...here..oso tok abt bks...wat am i becumin?scary!ok,stop all these...i beta stop here..
anyway 2day i listen to radio....the ying yue re ji....then the DJ intro a song...is zhang jing xuan de "my way"...i din realize tat this song is so meaningful until 2day man!mayb u all shld go n read it.haha!teachin us not to care abt how pple look at u ...shld decide 4 urself...i tink it not onli implies in lovelife..but ur career , ur studies...the frenz u mk ,pple u mix ard with n the way u handle things oso...ok lah...i try 2 put the lyrics here,c can a not ya!luv u gals!

10:37 PM

Thursday, June 09, 2005

hey ya!haha!me juz now go suntec with den den......i made a new pair of specs !haha!the color lks ah ma..but it looks ok on me (-_-)'' i quite like it though....coz is den choose 4 me 1.i believe her tatse!haha!
after that me went to my lao jia with my pri sch fren.so nice of him 2 acc me tere..haha!get frm my aunty sum fd n go walk walk ard telok blangah...bring bk alot alot memories man...those daz so innocent n blur,..!!!he brought the pri sch yr bk too....y i dun have????:( alot familiar faces...dunno y my memory of name so gd haha!manage to recall alot of pri sch fren names...really wonder how r they now..time flies man!!almost 10 yrs liao...
anyway after tat go hm le...
n i made a fool out of myself...afte i reach hm..as usual i bath ... n took my contact lens container into bathroom.when i wana tk my contact lens out...i realized i 4get to bring my solution in.So i heck care n bath 1st.after bathing...i was so eager to try my specs....n i realized tat the person made wrong degree 4 me...the vision seem so blur man!i blame myself coz i neva try properly juz now...then i immediately call my fren n ask if 2moro can tk half day off frm wrk anot (so tat i can go the shop n ask 4 a change of lens).then she shout"NO LAH!"i felt so bad n apologize...then i keep thinkin another way out...i told my frenz...n den.They all worryin 4 me...coz scared cannot change mah,then watse $.then...my fren suddenly tell me she help me tell the boss say i will b late to wrk..phew!really greatful to her man!!!
BUT!after tat i suddenly remember i haven't tk out my lens!OMG!i go in front of the mirror n tk out immediately n try on the specs!OMG!its so clear!i m so happi man...n kept laughin in my heart!haha!shit ,cnfirm scold by all my frenz 1!i faster msg my boss n apologize ...diao!so blur of me rite...tian ar!wat am i doing today man!keke
2moro going to wrk again...xianzzzzzz!!!stayin in the small small shop...nthin 2 do...have 2 force myself to read books again...:(

11:52 PM

:) 2day me so guai!haha!i did husewrk...n within 2 n a half hrs manage to finish.phew!still got time 2 laz ard b4 meetin den!later meetin her...go make new specs!!hahaha!so excited wor!i think this is the 1st time i go mk specs without my parents...i neva like to try specs...all look funni on me.tat time went to bugis specs shop,then i try 1 which the salsesboy pass to me...hahahahaha!i end up laughin at myself...cannot stop laughin..so paiseh k!but he says it looks gd on me....OMG!can vomit sia!shuqi still laugh with me...i think the sales pple tere think we r idiots!
i hope 2day i wun mk a fool out of myself again..denice shld b professional in this rite?wearing specs so many yrs liao...really hope 2 get 1 i like..coz need 2 wear to wrk 1,i dun wana wrk n the kids call me auntie :(
haiz!the graduation day is out....pple are happi when they graduate but i dun!coz gonna wrk liao...n need 2 tk alot stress again...tian ar!sumore they separate my grp n widya's grp again...dunno y ,they like to put our 2 grps apart..so cruel...still considering whether to attend the ceremony anot leh...have to wear formal ... sick...
ok lah,stop here ba.tata

3:08 PM

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

wahahaha!yesterday .. was...woooohhoooo..keke.another nite's out again!went to hard rock again..celebrate sashi's bday!tough not every1 was tere,but i believe is fun enugh!shuqi,widya,aihui,fuisian n sashi of crse!haha!wah ... i have neva felt so relieve in my .. erm...1 yr plus life?keke.
the feeling is hard 2 discribe lah...hmm..how 2 say leh...is like putting all the bad memories n burden behind ...as history...a past tense!dun have 2 inform another person where i m going,dun have 2 worry abt the other party,dun have 2 put piority in life,juz go out whoever i wan.,no quarrels,no disappointment n sadness, no disagreements , no fear when going to sum1's place, no need to ren sumtin n sun ze sum1 juz becoz scared tat person unhappy, got freedom....n MOST IMPTly no guiltyness oredi!i tink i neva realize it myself ... deep inside i have been feeling guilty all along,becoz ....as wat he say ...i alwaz hai pple.i hai alot of pple becoz of wu?becoz of him.n now i hai him too....
haiz!nvm...i learn frm my lessons....i wana put everytin !everytin behind n lead a new life!how 2 b happy when u keep dwelling in the mistake u do n have sumtin tat keep reminding u abt the unhappiness rite?cum on lah,its time to buck up.if i continue b so gloomy , nobody's gonna pity me / help me.got to help myself ... in life tere's alot up n dwn's 1 mah.. juz cont n njoy life lah.a min of unhappiness is wasting my 30 secs of happiness.wat 4 rite?
the mood of ur day is 90% control by urself 1,is depends on how u look at things....i hope tat person will faster buck up too!
k lah...i really have great fun yesterday til 2day!haha!coz was out til 7am ..then cum bk still watch tv!keke!update u pple again ya!

2:55 PM